Marie, are you awake? Good. You look so beautiful and peaceful, you almost look dead. I'm glad because there is something that has always been very difficult for me to say. I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit. I've ne

More from The Jerk

• Gosh! You have my last name tattooed right there under the j's! First I get my name in the phone book and now I'm on your ass! You know, I bet more people see that than the phone book.
• He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!
• It was never easy for me. I was born a poor black child.
• I was raised a white child in a poor black family.
• Mama always knew how to treat me right. For my 18th birthday, she prepared my favorite meal... tuna fish on white bread with mayonnaise, a Tab, and a couple of Twinkies.
• You mean I’m going to stay this color?!?