I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.

More from Withnail and I

• My thumbs have gone weird!
• Come on lads, let's get home, the sky's beginning to bruise, night must fall and we shall be forced to camp.
• Free to those that can afford it, very expensive to those that can't.
• I demand to have some booze.
• Right, here's the plan. First, we go in there and get wrecked, then we eat a pork pie, then we drop some Surmontil-50's each. That way we'll miss out on Monday and come up smiling Tuesday morning.
• There must and there shall be aspirin. If I don't have aspirin I shall die, here, on this fucking mountainside.