If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I’d sleep with it.

More from George Burns

• At my age flowers scare me.
• Happiness is having a large, loving, caring close-knit family in another city.
• Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
• When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and I’m labeled senile.