Nobody goes right to work. I mean, screw the company – those first twenty minutes belong to you.

More from George Carlin

• I used to be Irish Catholic; now I’m an American.
• I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
• Most people are paid just enough to keep them from quitting, for working just hard enough to keep from getting fired.
• The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
• The Pope wears loafers.