I am your king!
King Arthur
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
I am your king!
Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
Galahad
On second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.
King Arthur
The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering silmite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king!
King Arthur
This new learning amazes me Sir Bedevere. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
King Arthur
And how do you burn witches?
Bedevere
What also floats in water?
Bedevere
What makes you think she's a witch?
Bedevere
Have at you!
Black Knight
He must be a King.
Dead Collector
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! Come see the violence inherent in the system! Violence inherent in the system!
Dennis
If I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Dennis
Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Dennis
I unclog my nose in your direction, sons of a window dresser. So, you think you could outclever us french folks with your silly, knees-bent, running-about, advancing behavior? I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy-leather, second-hand, electric donkey bottom biters.
French Knight
You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called “Arthur King,” you and all your silly English K-n-i-g-g-i-t-s.
French Taunter
I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
French Soldier
Look, let me face the peril!
Galahad
Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"...
God
What are you doing now?
God
We are no longer the Knights who Say Ni!
Head Knight of Ni
Now stand aside worthy adversary.
King Arthur
This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let’s not bicker and argue about who killed who.
King of Swamp Castle
We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
King of Swamp Castle
We are the knights who say 'Ni!'
Knights
In the frozen land of Nador, they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels...and there was much rejoicing.
Narrator
I’m not quite dead yet!
Dead Man
Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise – not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
Bedevere
You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
Sir Robin
Well he's got huge sharp, eh, he can leap about, look at the bones!
Tim
Dennis! There's some lovely filth down here!
Woman
It's just a flesh wound.
Black Knight
Bridgekeeper: What... is your favourite colour? Galahad: Blue. No, yel-- Auuuuuugh!
The Bridgekeeper and Sir Galahad at the Bridge of Death, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)