Could you L a little less OL?
Alex Dunphy
I’m fairly gay. I don’t know why I just said that. I’m totally gay. Just … gay.
Cameron
Mitchell’s mother has a problem with me. Last Christmas, for example, she gave me a piece of exercise equipment and a lettuce dryer. So to recap, I gave her a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, and she gave me a hint.
Cameron
If she were a hot guy, I would never be that smooth. It’s ironic. It’s like the gift of the Vagi.
Cameron Tucker
She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.
Cameron Tucker
You’re an amazing girl, Katie. You are the full package. I just prefer someone who has one.
Cameron Tucker
Our son is not weird. What’s weird is that her kid wears aftershave and dresses like a count.
Claire
Manny thinks his dad is like Superman. The truth? He’s a total flake. In fact, the only way he’s like Superman is that they both landed in this country illegally.
Jay
Rainbows. It’s just colors in the sky. Do we have to take a picture every time we see one?
Jay Pritchett
This salsa dancing, how hard is it to learn?
Jay Pritchett
Usually, I say no to drugs, but I thought, just this once… and I figured, if I was going to make an ass of myself, at least I wouldn’t remember it.
Jay Pritchett
No offense, dad, but I’ve seen you with a glue gun, and I think a nail would be harder to get out of my hair.
Luke Dunphy
You can do it, dad! You’re making the impossible unimpossible!
Luke Dunphy
I’ve been thinking of moving out for some time now. There’s a line of ants going to a trick-or-treat bag in my closet, and I don’t want to still be here when they get sick of candy.
Luke
Help! We locked our baby in the car and people are judging us!
Mitchell
Cam thinks that if he were straight, he and Julia Roberts would be dating.
Mitchell Pritchett
Wow, paisley and pink? Was there something wrong with the fishnet tank top?
Mitchell
Act like a parent, talk like a peer. I call it peerenting. I learned it from my own dad who used to walk into my room and say, “What’s up sweat-hog?”
Phil
What was on my mind as I was walking that wire? I was thinking, if I can do this… then I have two ways to cross the yard.
Phil Dunphy
I’m the cool dad. That’s my thing. I’m hip. I surf the Web. I text. LOL: laughing out loud. OMG: Oh my God. WTF: Why the face?
Phil
Um, things I want: robot dog, night vision goggles, bug vacuum, GPS watch, speakers that look like rocks… I love my wife, but she sucks at giving gifts. I’m sorry for the pay-channel language, but- oh! Yogurt maker! I can’t not think of things I want.
Phil