Michael Scott Quotes — The Office (U.S.)

Michael offers his invented Lincoln quotation during diversity training. — Original artwork

Abraham Lincoln once said that “If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.

Michael Scott

Michael considers what to tell the Scranton staff. — Original artwork

Am I going to tell them? No, I’m not going to tell them. I don’t see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.

Michael Scott

Michael records his Diversity Tomorrow introduction. — Original artwork

Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania, but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over.

Michael Scott

Michael delivers an awkward office interview. — Original artwork

I don’t understand… you want to see other people? Only other people?

Michael Scott

Michael considers how his employees should feel about him. — Original artwork

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael Scott

A slim manager in a grey suit and red tie spreads his arms in triumph in an open-plan office while his staff react with deadpan looks and stifled laughs. — Original artwork

That's what she said!

Michael Scott

A slim manager in a grey suit flings his arms wide in the doorway of his office, shouting to the staff as an accountant at the near desk raises a hand to object. — Original artwork

I declare bankruptcy!

Michael Scott

A man in a grey suit gestures mid-ramble across a big desk from a calm bald executive in a skyscraper office overlooking Manhattan. — Original artwork

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Michael Scott

A smug man leans back with his hands behind his head beside a stack of paper boxes, while two corporate executives sit stiffly across a red conference table. — Original artwork

Well, well, well, how the turntables...

Michael Scott

A grinning man in a running vest with a horseshoe charm stretches at the start line of an office fun run, coworkers behind him and a black cat on a fence. — Original artwork

I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

Michael Scott

Illustration of a man in a grey suit seen from behind in an office interview chair, gesturing mid-complaint, a baseball bat and glove propped against the partition. — Original artwork

Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.

Michael Scott

An office manager in a grey suit holds up a hand in a conference room as two unhappy colleagues sit apart, a chart on an easel. — Original artwork

Just hold on, please. Okay, if we do lose-lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? You would both lose.

Michael Scott

Michael discovers Toby back in the office annex. — Original artwork

No, God! No, God, please, no! No! No! Nooooooo!

Michael Scott

Michael performs as Prison Mike in the conference room. — Original artwork

The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.

Michael Scott

Michael and Jan argue before their dinner guests. — Original artwork

Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap!

Michael Scott

Michael rejects Andy’s comparison during their office conversation. — Original artwork

I am Beyoncé, always.

Michael Scott

Michael addresses Dwight from the office roof. — Original artwork

Dwight, you ignorant slut.

Michael Scott

Michael displays a motivational quotation in the basement office. — Original artwork

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott

Michael Scott

Michael dismisses Toby during preparations for casino night. — Original artwork

Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate... so much... about the things that you choose to be.

Michael Scott

Michael greets Ryan in the early-morning office. — Original artwork

I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl, so I'm wise and I have worms.

Michael Scott

Michael watches Jim and Josh share a joke at the convention. — Original artwork

I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.

Michael Scott

Michael tries to escape his financial troubles in a freight wagon. — Original artwork

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.

Michael Scott