Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It’s a nice little farm… sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
Dwight Schrute
The Office (U.S.)
I don’t understand… you want to see other people? Only other people?
The purse girl hits everything on my checklist: creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.
Dwight Schrute
Abraham Lincoln once said that “If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North,” and those are the principles that I carry with me in the workplace.
Michael Scott
Am I going to tell them? No, I’m not going to tell them. I don’t see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer.
Michael Scott
Hi. I'm Michael Scott. I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania, but I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because today is almost over.
Michael Scott
I don’t understand… you want to see other people? Only other people?
Michael Scott
Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
Michael Scott
You know what they say about a car wreck, where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.
Pam Beesly
Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking about human anatomy. I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
Toby Flenderson
Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Jim Halpert
That's what she said!
Michael Scott
I declare bankruptcy!
Michael Scott
Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!
Dwight Schrute
Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.
Michael Scott
Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?
Kevin Malone
Well, well, well, how the turntables...
Michael Scott
I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.
Michael Scott
Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three.
Michael Scott
Just hold on, please. Okay, if we do lose-lose, neither of you gets what you want. Do you understand? You would both lose.
Michael Scott
No, God! No, God, please, no! No! No! Nooooooo!
Michael Scott
The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.
Michael Scott
Snip snap! Snip snap! Snip snap!
Michael Scott
I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.
Andy Bernard
I am Beyoncé, always.
Michael Scott
Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one: how dare you?
Kelly Kapoor
Did I stutter?
Stanley Hudson
They're the same picture.
Pam Beesly
Dwight, you ignorant slut.
Michael Scott
But on pretzel day... well, I like pretzel day.
Stanley Hudson
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky - Michael Scott
Michael Scott
Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing.
Dwight Schrute
I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted.
Kevin Malone
There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?
Pam Beesly
Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate... so much... about the things that you choose to be.
Michael Scott
I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl, so I'm wise and I have worms.
Michael Scott
I love inside jokes. I'd love to be a part of one someday.
Michael Scott
I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.
Michael Scott