Don’t threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it’s not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do.

More from The Odd Couple

• I’m a neurotic nut, but you’re crazy!
• I hate little notes on my pillow. Like this morning. 'We're all out of cornflakes. F.U.' It took me three hours to figure out that 'F.U.' was Felix Unger. It's not your fault, Felix. It's a rotten combination.
• Don’t point that finger at me unless you intend to use it.
• Life goes on, even for those of us who are divorced, broke, and sloppy.
• Look at this. You're the only man in the world with clenched hair.
• Murray, lend me twenty dollars or I'll call your wife and tell her you're in Central Park wearing a dress.