Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick.
Garth
Did you ever see that Twilight Zone where the guy signed a contract and they cut out his tongue and put it in a jar and it wouldn't die, it just grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues? Pretty cool huh?
Garth
"Who's trying to kill you, Mr. Donut-head Man?" "I don't know, but he better not."
Garth
Shaawing!
Wanye! How you doin'?
Tiny
All I have to say about that is "asphinctersayswhat".
Wayne Campbell
Garth, marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries!
Wayne Campbell
I mean, Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes that every one liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.
Wayne Campbell
I once thought I had mono for an entire year, It turned out I was just really bored.
Wayne Campbell
I say puke. If you hurl and she comes back, she’s yours. If you blow chunks and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.
Wayne Campbell
It will be mine. Oh yes. It will be mine.
Wayne Campbell
Cassandra, I know I don't have his looks, I know I don't have his car, and I know that sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in the back of my jaw...
Wayne
We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!
Wayne, Garth
I do have one plan. (opens a door)
Wayne