A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx
Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
Groucho Marx
Behind every great man is a great woman, and behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
Groucho Marx
I’d horsewhip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
Groucho Marx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Groucho Marx
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.
Groucho Marx
Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
Groucho Marx
Look, if you don’t like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can’t find that, you can leave in a taxi.
Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution...if, of course, you like living in an institution.
Groucho Marx
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
Groucho Marx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!
Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx
Remember men, you are fighting for the lady's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.
Groucho Marx
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Groucho Marx
She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.
Groucho Marx
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Groucho Marx
Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Groucho Marx