Groucho Marx — People

A brown glove with one raised finger casts an exclamation-mark-shaped shadow on pale ground. — Original artwork

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx

An oval cream relief of a mother and baby beside folded pink knitting and a small wind-up music box. — Original artwork

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Groucho Marx

Painterly cracked antique pocket watch and chain beside a wilted rose petal. — Original artwork

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Groucho Marx

Two small wooden chairs side by side and one separate empty chair on a gray-blue floor against a mustard wall. — Original artwork

Behind every great man is a great woman, and behind her is his wife.

Groucho Marx

A closed metal pocket watch rests on folded white linen against dark navy. — Original artwork

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

Groucho Marx

An open book has fanned pages rising into a small paper bird against a warm golden background. — Original artwork

From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Groucho Marx

A cardboard party hat on a wooden egg cup with its reflection in a small spoon on an orange surface. — Original artwork

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Groucho Marx

A small carved wooden horse with a knotted rope mane and a comb beside it on green felt. — Original artwork

I’d horsewhip you if I had a horse.

Groucho Marx

Deep red curtains frame a small circular stage beside a brass theatrical prop against plum. — Original artwork

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Groucho Marx

A cream theatrical mask on a stick with a pink eraser beside its cheek against a mint background. — Original artwork

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Groucho Marx

Two empty chairs stand beside a small round dining table with a white cloth, folded swan napkin and lamp. — Original artwork

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.

Groucho Marx

A small carved wooden elephant stands beside folded blue-and-ivory striped cloth on warm grey ground. — Original artwork

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

Groucho Marx

Painterly yellow taxi door passing a pigeon on a wet grey pavement. — Original artwork

Look, if you don’t like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that’s too soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can’t find that, you can leave in a taxi.

Groucho Marx

A gold ring encircled by a metal chain and padlock on bright magenta felt. — Original artwork

Marriage is a wonderful institution...if, of course, you like living in an institution.

Groucho Marx

An ornate gold mirror displays a pale jester's cap above draped ivory fabric and small gold objects. — Original artwork

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx

A silver balance holds a miniature brass horn in one pan and a wooden gavel in the other against grey. — Original artwork

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Groucho Marx

A sheer curtain billows beside an open window and an empty wicker chair in a pale lavender room. — Original artwork

Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!

Groucho Marx

An open book with blank pages and a red ribbon bookmark rests on folded dark teal fabric. — Original artwork

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

Groucho Marx

A small watering can pours blue liquid onto a paper flame, with a red stethoscope hanging from its side. — Original artwork

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Groucho Marx

A small silver shield with a rose motif rests with a pale lace glove and rose-coloured cloth. — Original artwork

Remember men, you are fighting for the lady's honor; which is probably more than she ever did.

Groucho Marx

A miniature hotel bed with an orange striped spread, a suitcase and a paint roller. — Original artwork

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Groucho Marx

A grinning black and lime paper mask on a purple puddle with its smiling reflection. — Original artwork

She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.

Groucho Marx

Painterly glass jar containing a small fly on a wooden windowsill in green light. — Original artwork

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Groucho Marx

A golden pear and a shrivelled dark plum on a white saucer against a burgundy background. — Original artwork

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know.

Groucho Marx

A black tuxedo jacket and a pale lace bra hang side by side on wooden hangers against pink. — Original artwork

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Groucho Marx

A bundle of old letters tied with a blue ribbon lies on a round tray beneath a dried rose. — Original artwork

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Groucho Marx