Thank you, Elaine. Imagine my comfort having you as emotional counsel. Would that I dye my roots so I could truly benefit from your tutalege.

More from Ally McBeal

• Every time I get depressed, I raise my hemline. If things don't change, I'm bound to be arrested.
• I have a way with Freudian slips.
• I like being a mess. It's who I am.
• I mean, with all due respect, you sort of walk around with uppity breasts, and the hair flips aren't the most subtle. And your perfume -- you could be flammable. Now what if somebody shut you down as a safety hazard, how would you feel then?
• I'm trying to desensitize myself to murder so I can be a better lawyer.
• It doesn't matter that I'm not in a relationship with anybody. Sometimes I feel like I'm being unfaithful to love itself.