Every time I get depressed, I raise my hemline. If things don't change, I'm bound to be arrested.
Ally
I have a way with Freudian slips.
Ally
I like being a mess. It's who I am.
Ally
I mean, with all due respect, you sort of walk around with uppity breasts, and the hair flips aren't the most subtle. And your perfume -- you could be flammable. Now what if somebody shut you down as a safety hazard, how would you feel then?
Ally
I'm trying to desensitize myself to murder so I can be a better lawyer.
Ally
It doesn't matter that I'm not in a relationship with anybody. Sometimes I feel like I'm being unfaithful to love itself.
Ally
It's alright to believe in things you know aren't real!
Ally
Remember, when you’re with me, it’s the only time you’re not the strangest person in the room. So go ahead, get weird with me.
Ally
So how has it come to this? We're smart women, we're fairly attractive...
Ally
Sometimes I’m tempted to become a street person, cut off from society. But then I wouldn’t get to wear my outfits.
Ally
That's the thing about me. I make all my clients forget about all their troubles by giving them bigger ones.
Ally
There's no sin in loving men. Only pain!
Ally
Today is gonna be a, uh, a less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and I just know that everything is going to be... less bad.
Ally
We're not only wired to want what we can't have, but we're also wired to want what we really don't want.
Ally
We're women. We have a double standard to live up to.
Ally
When guys are persistent, it's romantic, they make movies about that. If it's a woman, then they cast Glenn Close.
Ally
Whoever said that plenty of fish in the sea thing was lying; sometimes there’s only one fish. Trust me.
Ally
You might think there's an explanation, but you'd be wrong.
Ally
You only die once!
Ally
Sometimes when you hold out for everything, you walk away with nothing.
Angela
Bitch!
Billy
Did you fiddle with my wife's wattle?
Billy
Whatever the virtues of balance, it's just a pleasant form of insanity.
Billy
When Georgia and I make love, don't get me wrong, it's fantastic.
Billy
A lot of people forget what they're saying in a fit of rage, so I'll be happy to take the minutes.
Elaine
I’m sure she is quite stupid and in time, gravity will get her.
Elaine
I think my testimony swayed them.
Elaine
Men love to be thought of as funny... except when they're in bed.
Elaine
She's two-thirds of a Rice Krispie Treat. She's already snapped, and crackled, and she's ready for the final pop.
Elaine
You can't win the raffle if you don't at least buy a ticket.
Harry
A fat man, trying to squeeze through a narrow chimney, and I taunt him with Oreos and whole milk.
John Cage
The world is no longer a romantic place. Some of its people still are however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win.
John Cage
Would people PLEASE stop throwing shoes at me?!
John
Face it, we don’t want anyone spelunking in our emotional cores. The echo would kill them.
Ling
Variety is the spice of life.
Ling
It's come to this. You're humping the tree!
Renee
Snow White. Cinderella. All about gettin' a guy. Being saved by the guy. Today it's Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas. All about gettin' a guy.
Renee
People think you're strange, you know. Just, just sit there and don't talk.
Renée Radick
Bygones.
Richard
Everybody's alone. It's just easier to take in a relationship.
Richard Fish
Is that the two cents? I’d be looking for change.
Richard Fish
You're not who you are, you're only what other people think you are. Fishism.
Richard Fish
Friction, friction, orgasm. Fishism.
Richard
Helping people is never more rewarding especially if it's in your own self-interest.
Richard
I couldn’t help but overhear, probably because I was eavesdropping.
Richard
If you don’t kiss a girl on the first date, you’re a gentleman. If you don’t kiss her on the second date, you’re gay!
Richard
I'm nothing if not redundant! I also repeat myself.
Richard
It’s not my style to care about others, but, what’s going on?
Richard
It's not winning, it's winning ugly that matters.
Richard
John... a second of your time. We started this firm with the same dream, did we not?
Richard
Love is an equation: a me and a you derives a we.
Richard
Love- you can't bank on it... it's an unsafe bridge. The only thing you can bring to the bank? Money.
Richard
Never trust second thoughts. Next thing you know there'll be a third and a fourth...you'll be thinking forever.
Richard
On sex and sexual harrassment, women don’t see straight. Women as a rule hate other pretty women. Women as a rule also sympathize with other women victims because they are women. Women want other women to be destroyed, but as women they don’t want to be the destroyer themselves.
Richard
Parenting is nothing if not selfless.
Richard
Thank you, Elaine. Imagine my comfort having you as emotional counsel. Would that I dye my roots so I could truly benefit from your tutalege.
Richard
Unisex studies show it helps men and women employees breed familiarity, so long as they don't come in to just breed.
Richard
Verbal spankings leave me wanting for more.
Richard
We miss you with every opportunity, Elaine. Kidding. Bygones. Go away.
Richard
What’s inside doesn’t count, it’s how they look. Fishism.
Richard
You look fabulous.
Richard
Sometimes when a patient says something so competely naive, I find that my own laughter just isn't enough.
Tracey (Ally's therapist)
Fruitcakes like you heat my pool.
Tracey
You're a slut. The way to your heart is through your fallopian tubes.
Tracey
No, I don't think you're nuts, but I don't think that you have both feet on the ground either.
Whipper