I got three hundred and sixty Christmas cards! ...And I'm not sending ANY of them until someone sends ME one.

More from Do Not Adjust Your Set

• Ten shillings in sixpences, forty-two pounds in thruppences, and seven pence. It’s going to be a rather rich pudding, but who cares.
• This is a wonderful traditional Yuletide game. It's called the Indian Ocean Game. Everybody sits round in a circle, and the first person to mention that the Indian Ocean is forty thousand fathoms deep, loses.
• First of all, a big hello to all our viewers. Hello Mrs. Green, hello Mr. Green, hello Mum. I think that's everyone.
• If every day were Christmas day By some fantastic trick If every day were Christmas day We’d all be bloomin’ SICK.
• The Minister of Transport issued this appeal to motorists: Can anyone give him a lift to Leicester?
• Here’s a viewer’s letter. It comes from Mrs. Margaret Forsdyke: “Since watching your program, I have become a new person. Yours sincerely, Mr. Arthur Vickers.”