Michael Quotes — Do Not Adjust Your Set

A brass trumpet with teal ribbon rests beside a toy bone on a crimson cushion against mustard. — Original artwork

Go for it, Maxwell. For the good of all mankind. You lucky, undeserving dog.

Michael

Painterly round sunglasses beside fallen leaves on warm terracotta tiles. — Original artwork

Have I stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you, because excuse me if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you.

Michael

A small green Christmas tree has colourful ornaments, gold stars and an orange ribbon against midnight blue. — Original artwork

Here are some really exciting games you can play this Christmas. And first, from Terry, here is the A and B Game.

Michael

Two envelopes beside round spectacles and dried flowers on a pale lavender background. — Original artwork

Here’s a viewer’s letter. It comes from Mrs. Margaret Forsdyke: “Since watching your program, I have become a new person. Yours sincerely, Mr. Arthur Vickers.”

Michael

A miniature wooden bed with a pillow and rust-colored blanket, beside a small box holding a second pillow. — Original artwork

I don't suppose there is any way we could share the bed?

Michael

A stack of blank lilac cards with a gold-tipped pen and a small brass bell on a brown surface. — Original artwork

I got three hundred and sixty Christmas cards! ...And I'm not sending ANY of them until someone sends ME one.

Michael

A tilted glass jar containing a golden question mark, resting on plum velvet. — Original artwork

I have a question before we start. Do you think that's safe considering you don't have a liver?

Michael

Painterly red rose lying across a gold-framed hand mirror on dark red velvet. — Original artwork

Listen, Maxwell. You are a sensitive guy and you have available to you one of the top 3 seduction lines in history with "it's gonna help me find my home planet". And you're refusing to use it. No guy is that sensitive. Use it.

Michael

A glass sphere with a gold spiral inside on pale green cloth. — Original artwork

Now here's Denise to show you how to tell your friends' fortunes.

Michael

A frustrated office worker in a shirt and tie stares at a jammed beige printer in a 1990s cubicle farm. — Original artwork

PC Load Letter - what the fuck does that mean?

Michael

A brown glove with one raised finger casts an exclamation-mark-shaped shadow on pale ground. — Original artwork

Put her in your spank bank and move on.

Michael