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During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.
— Happy Gilmore ‧ Happy Gilmore

Behind the line May contain spoilers.
Our reading
An editorial interpretation.
A deadpan brag that's really a confession. The speaker holds two junior hockey league records: the most time in the penalty box, and being the only player ever to take off a skate and try to stab someone. The humour is in the proud tone about awful achievements.
Context reviewed