Phyllis Diller — People

An orange armchair with a teddy bear and cushion sits beside a potted plant beneath a child's drawing of a house. — Original artwork

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Phyllis Diller

A pale feather duster leans against stacked dishes and cups beside a striped cloth on a light counter. — Original artwork

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

Phyllis Diller

An iron and blue shirt cuff stick out of a mound of soil beside a small trowel on bright green grass. — Original artwork

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Phyllis Diller

Painterly smoking cigar resting on a red silk cushion in warm light. — Original artwork

Living in Hollywood is like living in a lit cigar butt.

Phyllis Diller

A small pair of cream children's shoes stands beside larger brown shoes on a warm wooden floor. — Original artwork

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller

Sheer peach fabric draped over a small stack of colorful gift boxes with a gold coin on top. — Original artwork

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Phyllis Diller

Painterly brass microphone on a small round table beneath a single spotlight in a dark room. — Original artwork

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

Phyllis Diller