Blackadder

I mean, look at this! What is it? / I'm surprised you've forgotten, my lord. / I haven't forgotten, it's a rhetorical question. / No, it's a potato.

Lord Blackadder

Oh, damn, the path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd!

Lord Blackadder

It is a telegram, it is ordering an advance, but it seems to be addressed to someone called Cat-pain Black-udder.

Captain Blackadder

You're so clever today, you better be careful your foot doesn't fall off.

Nursie

I have a cunning plan.

Baldrick

As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University.

Captain Blackadder

Baldrick, you wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord.

Lord Blackadder

Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot.

Prince Edmund

You've really worked out your banter, haven't you? / No, not really. This is a different thing; it's spontaneous and it's called wit.

Lord Blackadder

Sorry I'm late! / Oh, don't bother apologising. I'm sorry you're alive.

Lord Blackadder

Now, Doctor Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but even I know a book's got to have a plot.

Prince George

Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

Mr. E. Blackadder

You mean they actually rehearse? I thought they just got drunk, stuck on a silly hat and trusted to luck.

Mr. E. Blackadder

Your brain, for example. It's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

Captain Blackadder

Clearly, Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.

Captain Blackadder

Ha ha ha, don't worry my boy, if you should falter, remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you. About thirty-five miles behind you.

Captain Blackadder

Woof, woof!

Squadron Commander Lord Flashheart

You shot my Speckled Jim?!

General Melchett

Your family's record in the department of cunning planning is about as impressive as Stumpy O'Leg McNoleg's personal best in the Market Harborough marathon.

Sir Edmund Blackadder

Baldrick, your brain is like the four-headed, man-eating haddock fish beast of Aberdeen. - In what way? - It doesn't exist.

Sir Edmund Blackadder

I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.

Ebenezer Blackadder

I'm going to spend the rest of my life in a small wooden room with two toilets and the stupidest man in the world.

Lord Edmund Blackadder V

I'm anaspeptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious to have caused you such pericombobulation.

Mr. E. Blackadder

We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun.

Captain Blackadder

I've got a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

Mr. E. Blackadder

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed.

Lord Blackadder

To you, Baldrick, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn't it?

Lord Blackadder

Well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafribblarities.

Mr. E. Blackadder

Oh, Edmund, can it be true? That I hold here, in my mortal hand, a nugget of purest green?

Lord Percy

Let's try again, shall we? I have two beans, then I add two more beans. What does that make? / A very small casserole.

Baldrick

If nothing else works, then a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.

General Melchett

We've been sitting here since Christmas, 1914, during which millions of men have died, and we've advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping.

Captain Blackadder

I heard that it started when a bloke called Archie Duke shot an ostrich because he was hungry.

Baldrick