Are you mad at me for being around too much or for not being around enough?
Angel
This isn’t some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Angel
This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after. Reptile Boy
Angel
I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.
Anya
Look, I know you find me attractive; I've seen you looking at my breasts.
Anya
Men *like* sports. I'm sure of it.
Anya
You don't need me. All you care about is lots of orgasms.
Anya
Am I crazy?
Buffy
A Twinkie! That's his lunch? Oh, he is so gonna be punished.
Buffy
Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
Buffy
Conjuring? Will, let's be realistic here, okay? Your basic spells are usually only about 50-50.
Buffy
Do you remember that demon that almost got out the night I died?
Buffy
Hey! Look at us. We came up with a plan, a good plan.
Buffy
I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and conclusions there were.
Buffy
It is a sham, but it's a sham with yams. It's a yam sham.
Buffy
It is a statistically impossible for a 16-year-old girl to unplug her phone.
Buffy
I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin. Grow up in the sun, happily entwined with others, and then someone comes along, cuts you open, and rips your guts out.
Buffy
Sorry, but I'm an old fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies. Some Assembly Required
Buffy
So then Kathy's like, 'It's share-time.' And I'm like, 'Oh yeah? Share this!'
Buffy
Spike, these are my friends. Besides, it's kind of my job.
Buffy
The girl makes Godot look punctual.
Buffy
There's no problem that cannot be solved by chocolate.
Buffy
We saved the world, I say we party.
Buffy
What if the girl wants to, and the guy doesn't? That's a bad sign, right?
Buffy
You never take me any place new.
Buffy
Can't even shout, can't even cry The Gentlemen are coming by. Looking in windows, knocking on doors, They need to take seven and they might take yours. Can't call to mom, can't say a word, You're gonna die screaming but you won't be heard. Hush
How many times have you been knocked out anyway? I swear, one of these times you're gonna wake up in a coma.
Cordelia
I know that you share this feeling that we both have for each other, deep down.
Cordelia
I know what you’re up to. You think that if you get me mad enough, I won’t be so scared. And hey! It’s working. Where’s a damn weapon?
Cordelia
So does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Cordelia
My mummy used to sing to me to sleep...I wonder what your mummy will sing when they find yoour body?
Druscilla
My mummy used to sing to me to sleep...I wonder what your mummy will sing when they find your body?
Druscilla
You can't trust guys.
Faith
Check her out. Is she hot, or is she hot?
Forrest
Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore.
Giles
I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
Giles
I'm not supposed to have a private life?
Giles
Giles (regarding Buffy and Angel’s break-up): I understand this sort of thing requires ice cream of some kind.
Giles (regarding Buffy and Angel’s break-up)
There is a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on predestination, one might say.
Giles
Why would someone want to hurt Cordelia?
Giles
Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Harmony
What are you, retarded?
Jack
Halloween isn't about thrills, chills, and funny costumes; it's about getting laid.
Josh
I have two words that are going to make all your troubles go away. “Miniature.” “Golf.”
Mayor Wilkins
Guys. Take a moment to deal with all this. We survived.
Oz
A lot of educators tell students, ‘Think of your principal as your pal.’ I say think of me as your judge, jury and executioner.
Principal Snyder
I know Principal Flutie would have said, ‘Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.’ That’s the kind of wooly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.
Principal Snyder
There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed...and also smoking.
Principal Snyder
There're some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Principal Snyder
What's in the bag?
Principal Snyder
You! All of you. Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?
Principal Snyder
There's definitely something off about her.
Riley
You don't understand, I'm good at things. That's what I do. I work hard, apply myself, get it done.
Riley
I like people. They're like Happy Meals with legs.
Spike
I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore.
Spike
Oh, leave that one! He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead.
Spike (regarding Xander)
Sometimes I like to crumble the Weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
Spike
This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed. Something Blue
Spike
Does this sweater make me look fat?
Vampire
This world's no fun.
Vampire Willow
You killed him!
Vampire
Y'know, raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun. You're never going to get the good stuff.
Whistler
Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come with me.
Willow
Goody! Research party!
Willow
Guess she's out with Riley. You know what it's like with a spanking new boyfriend.
Willow
He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy.
Willow
How can you be so calm?
Willow
How come you didn't tell me I look like a crazy birthday cake in this shirt?
Willow
I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Willow
It’s the non-relationship drink of choice. It’s not a date, it’s a caffeinated beverage. Okay, sure, it’s hot and bitter like a relationship that way, but…
Willow
I’ve seen honest faces before. They usually come attached to liars.
Willow
I don't believe this is entirely on the up and up.
Willow (looking at Xander's fake ID)
Okay, so you're a werewolf. No problem. But hey, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun either.
Willow
Okay, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of.
Willow
That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and skanky... and I think I'm kinda gay.
Willow
Well, I'm...ooh, boyfriend! My on-campus boyfriend. (Oz comes up and he and Willow kiss.)
Willow
Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life.
Willow
When I’m with a boy I like I can’t say anything cool, or witty–or at all. I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Willow
Aren't you supposed to be drinking tea, anyway?
Xander
For I am Xander, Kind of Cretins, may all lesser Cretins bow before me.
Xander
Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
Xander
I cannot stress enough how much I don’t have plans.
Xander
I have my pride. Okay, I don’t have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can’t do this.
Xander
Just think of my lips as the Fruit Roll-Ups of Love...okay, that was gross. Something Blue
Xander
My whole life just flashed before my eyes. I gotta get me a life.
Xander
Ooh, gang, didja hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever!
Xander
Oooh. Sunnydale Bus Depot. Classy. What a better way to introduce someone to our country than with a stench of urine.
Xander
Think of the happy. If we don't find what we're looking for, we're facing the apocalypse.
Xander
To read makes our speaking english good.
Xander
Well, 'cause you never know if a girl's gonna say yes or if she's gonna laugh in your face and pull out your still-beating heart and crush it into the ground with her heel.
Xander
Well, how about this: we whip out the Ouija board, light a few candles, summon some ancient unstoppable evil? Mayhem, mayhem, mayhem; we show up and and kick its ass.
Xander
Well, not much goes on in a one-Starbucks town like Sunnydale.
Xander
We’re right behind you, only further back.
Xander
Xander (while Spike packs up his things, including Xander's radio): That's my radio!
Who's the little fear demon? Come on, who's the little fear demon?
Xander
Will, changing the look not an idle threat with you.
Xander
You're considered somewhat cool.
Xander