Old women are closer to God than we’ll ever be. They get to that age and they don’t need the operator anymore. They’ve got the direct line.

More from Father Ted

• You address me by my proper title, you little bollocks!
• (shouting at a large crowd of elderly ladies) Go away! I don’t want to catch the menopause!
• (shouting at a large crowd of elderly ladies) Go away! I don't want to catch the menopause! Night of the Nearly Dead
• It’s like a big tide of jam coming towards us, but jam made out of old women.
• It's like a big tide of jam coming towards us, but jam made out of old women. Night of the Nearly dead
• Dougal, how did you get into the church? Was it like, “Collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest”?