Father Ted — Characters

A black clerical collar with a white tab rests on a red velvet cushion beside a pink carnation. — Original artwork

Dougal, how did you get into the church? Was it like, “Collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest”?

Father Ted

Dougal, how did you get into the church? Was it like, "Collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest"? Grant unto Him Eternal Rest

Father Ted

A toy sheep and cow stand beside a blank wooden arrow sign and a small brass whistle in a grassy landscape. — Original artwork

Father Ted is demonstrating some plastic toy cows to Dougal. Father Ted: …OK, one last time. These are small… but the ones out there are far away. Small… far away…

Father Ted

Father Ted is demonstrating some plastic toy cows to Dougal. Father Ted: ...OK, one last time. These are small... but the ones out there are far away. Small... far away... Hell

Father Ted

An olive-green rotary telephone sits beside a small white cotton cloud connected to its curled cord against lilac. — Original artwork

Old women are closer to God than we’ll ever be. They get to that age and they don’t need the operator anymore. They’ve got the direct line.

Father Ted

Old women are closer to God than we'll ever be. They get to that age and they don't need the operator anymore. They've got the direct line.

Father Ted