Homer — Characters

A yellow toy car is tethered to a short metal post by red string on dark grey felt. — Original artwork

"You have 30 minutes to move your car", "You have 10 minutes","Your car has been impounded", "Your car has been crushed into a cube", "You have 30 minutes to move your cube".

Homer

Painterly bee resting on a broken golden honeycomb with drops of honey in warm amber light. — Original artwork

Aah! Hey, get off my sugar. Bad bees! Bad! Ow. Oww! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow!

Homer

A cracked pink piggy bank stands beside a small ladder with coins on its rungs and a gold coin at the top. — Original artwork

After years of disappointment with get rich quick scheme, I know I'm gonna get rich with this scheme. And quick.

Homer

Painterly illustrated pages beside a paint palette, brushes and gold coins on an orange surface. — Original artwork

A hundred bucks? For a comic book? Who drew it, Micha-ma-langelo?

Homer

A slumped tin wind-up robot sits on yellow cloth beside a loose key and a small white flag. — Original artwork

Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!

Homer

A single amber bottle stands on a glass shelf inside an otherwise empty refrigerator lit in cool blue. — Original artwork

Aww there's only one beer left and it's Bart's!

Homer

A cream coffee pot and an orange cup on a wooden tray in warm light filtered through blinds. — Original artwork

Can I at least make you coffee Mr. Burns?

Homer

An empty armchair with a napkin and a half-eaten plate of pasta and a glass beside it. — Original artwork

Can't talk ... eating.

Homer

A small wooden window frame with a yellow curtain, flowers on the sill and blue sky beyond. — Original artwork

Could you open the window? The cops have daddy's prints on file.

Homer

A round, balding cartoon dad, seen from behind, holds a pink-frosted donut up to a sunlit kitchen window like a holy relic. — Original artwork

Donuts ... is there anything they can't do?

Homer

An open book has aged, crumbling pages on the left and clean blank pages on the right against a cream background. — Original artwork

Every time I learn something new, a little of the old gets pushed outta my brain, remember that time I took that wine making course and forgot how to drive?

Homer

A tilted glass jar containing a golden question mark, resting on plum velvet. — Original artwork

Flanders was a zombie?

Homer

A golden flame rises from cupped stone hands against an orange sunset and dark clouds. — Original artwork

God bless those Pagans.

Homer

An upright articulated wooden hand with an open palm against a softly textured teal background. — Original artwork

Hello. My name is Mr. Burns.

Homer

A red felt boxing glove stands beneath a blank speech-bubble-shaped paper flag. — Original artwork

Hmm. I guess Bart's not to blame. He's lucky, too, because it's spanking season, and I got a hankerin' for some spankerin'.

Homer

Painterly bundle of golden grain beside a foaming wooden beer mug on amber. — Original artwork

Homer no function beer well without.

Homer

Painterly glazed ribs arranged on a red checked cloth beside barbecue sauce and utensils. — Original artwork

How 'bout it, Bart? Would you like a backyard BBQ pit?

Homer

A round cartoon dad dances in triumph beside a backyard grill where a framed certificate is burning. — Original artwork

I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T.

Homer

A microphone lies beside its tangled cord under a narrow golden spotlight on a dark red stage. — Original artwork

If I could just say a few words, I would be a better public speaker.

Homer

A half-full glass of beer is surrounded by small pale paper flowers. — Original artwork

I like my beers cold and my homosexuals flaming.

Homer

Two differently patterned floral paper halves form a heart joined by a thin golden thread on cream ground. — Original artwork

I love you, honey.

Homer

Painterly red phone booth with pale wings floating against a starry blue sky. — Original artwork

I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman.

Homer

A woolly brown mitten wedged into a small round opening in a metal plate. — Original artwork

I'm pretty sure I can struggle my way out. First I'll just reach in and pull my legs out ... now I'll pull my arms out with my face.

Homer

Tipped unmarked trophy with several smooth burgundy and silver discs — Original artwork

In high school I was voted most likely to be a mental patient, hillbilly, or chimpanzee.

Homer

A round diner tray holds a mustard-topped hot dog, a battered corn dog on a stick, stacked orange cheese slices, a chocolate-chip cookie and chili-cheese fries against coral. — Original artwork

I sure could go for a hot dog right about now.

Homer

A wooden bear, blue vintage car and guitar sit beside a black felt poodle leaping above felt snow and three wooden goslings on cupped wooden hands. — Original artwork

It's like a friggin country bear jambaroo around here.

Homer

A worn cushion rests on a brown plaid armchair in warm window light. — Original artwork

Listen to 'em. Watchin' my television. Sittin' on my couch. You better not be in my ass groove!

Homer

Marge, can we trade? I don't trust these guys.

Homer

An oval mirror leans against a pink cushion beside a lipstick tube on softly folded cream fabric. — Original artwork

Marge, we had a deal. Your sisters don't come here after six and I stop eating your lipstick.

Homer

A dark bowler hat rests on a wooden stool beside a tiny brass bell and trailing red ribbon. — Original artwork

Maybe for once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene'.

Homer

Mel Brooks is Jewish?

Homer

Mmmm...64 slices of American Cheese. 63. 62....

Homer

A beer glass and orange pom-pom sit on a table beside an armchair facing a glowing blue television. — Original artwork

No beer and T.V. make Homer something something...

Homer

A split lump of coal with a small silver rocket inside and a matchstick ladder leaning against it. — Original artwork

No. Coal mining may be your life, but it's not mine. I'm never going down there again. I wanna go into space.

Homer

A small carved wooden elephant stands beside folded blue-and-ivory striped cloth on warm grey ground. — Original artwork

Now I've had my head in an elephant, a hippo, and a giant sloth.

Homer

Oh Lisa! You and your stories! Bart's a vampire! Beer kills brain cells! Now let's go back to that...building...thingie...where our beds and TV...is.

Homer

A small green toy alien in a cowboy hat stands beside a cactus on a piece of tan fabric. — Original artwork

Oh no! Aliens! Bio-duplication! Nude consperesicies! Oh my God! Linden Lerouche was right!!

Homer

An orange and pink ribbon of static flows from an old computer screen across a small desk beside a wooden chair. — Original artwork

Oh, they have the internet on computers now!

Homer

A small round yellow door set into a grassy, flower-covered mound in a sunlit meadow. — Original artwork

Okay it's the standard Grandpa Drill, everyone into the cellar!

Homer

Painterly smiling white mask beside a pointing yellow glove on orange. — Original artwork

OOoooo! Look at me Marge! I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from happy land! In case you couldn't tell, I was being sarcastic!

Homer

Small blue and brass dice rest on a dark reflective surface beneath a pale moon. — Original artwork

People die all the time, just like that. Why you could wake up dead tomorrow.....Well, goodnight!

Homer

Three miniature televisions in a row, each displaying a yellow star against a dark blue background. — Original artwork

Please, Marge. How often can I see a movie of this caliber on late night tv?

Homer

A wooden ruler balanced on a tin can, with a gold trophy at the raised end and a purple sock at the lower end. — Original artwork

Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.

Homer

A grey cat-shaped pincushion sits before an open fan decorated with peacock feathers. — Original artwork

Stupid cats. With their fancy footwork and their crafty schemes to steal all my smelts!

Homer

A smiling yellow paper mask on a stick leans beside a white flower in a glass of water. — Original artwork

The human wang is a beautiful thing.

Homer

Painterly tipped wine glass spilling red wine beside a paper cone of golden fries. — Original artwork

To alcohol - the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems.

Homer

A round cartoon dad slumps on a worn couch in a dark living room lit by a television's blue glow. — Original artwork

Trying is the first step towards failure.

Homer

Painterly small raised hand figure beside a vintage intercom under a spotlight. — Original artwork

Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that so called 'Volunteers' don't even get paid?

Homer

A small brown weasel figure squeezes through a keyhole-shaped opening in a weathered wooden fence. — Original artwork

Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Homer

A brass trumpet with a limp green balloon hanging from its mouthpiece. — Original artwork

Well, honey, what do you like? Tuba-ma-ba? Oba-ma-bo? That one? Saxa-ma-phone?

Homer

A brass compass rests in moss beside a drifting copper-brown leaf against olive green. — Original artwork

When you’re an experienced woodsman, you get a feel for these things. It’s like a third sense.

Homer

A tiny bath beneath a duck-patterned shower curtain, with a yellow rubber duck peeking out beside aqua tiles. — Original artwork

Whoops. Sorry, son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown.

Homer

A blank framed canvas leans against a teal-and-coral striped wall beside small decorative objects. — Original artwork

Why won't you be art?!

Homer

Five pink foam fingers in a sagging stack next to a folded pennant on a navy background. — Original artwork

Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!

Homer

A small tan suitcase stands on a patch of grass beside a puddle that reflects it under a pale sky. — Original artwork

Your suitcase is light.

Homer

A balding man in a white shirt and tie slaps his forehead in a nuclear plant control room, a half-eaten pink doughnut on the console. — Original artwork

D'oh!

Homer

A moustached skier in a skin-tight red suit glides down a sunny slope while a round man in yellow tumbles behind him in a burst of snow. — Original artwork

Stupid sexy Flanders!

Homer

A sunny cartoon kitchen table holds two coffee mugs, a white rhinestone cowboy hat, a country record and a half-eaten pink doughnut. — Original artwork

Marge, it takes two to lie: one to lie and one to listen.

Homer

Cartoon illustration of a red-lit kitchen at night where a small devil with a neat moustache offers a glowing pink frosted doughnut on a saucer to a heavy-set man seen from behind. — Original artwork

Mmm... donuts.

Homer